ABOUT ME
Here’s how being left-handed, a middle child with two sisters, half-Filipino, full-on Sagittarius, and diagnosed fair-and-square with ADD before it was popular have all helped me navigate marriage (mostly).
It’s a right-handed world. Left-handedness has forced me to be adaptable.
Growing up with an older and younger sister taught me that while women may be different from men in some respects, they are also quite similar.
Watching the ups and downs in the marriage between my Filipino dad Italian-English mom, I saw the importance of finding balance and sharing culture.
As a Sag, I’m constantly positive (to the point that it annoys my wife) and spontaneous. It’s also said that Sags inspire those around them to live their best lives. I think that’s a good trait in a husband, no?
Sure, ADD has its pitfalls—my inability to listen and finish projects are the subjects of many of my posts. However, I’ve come to learn that there are some pros to being ADD that can benefit a marriage. We tend to be compassionate and sensitive and less likely to harbor resentment. We also forgive easily, which I think is essential in any marriage.
The more conventional stats about me: I’m in my 40s, living in Baltimore, writing a book and blogging. I hope you find our adventures fun and relatable.
Oh, and the most important thing that keeps our marriage going: we love each other. I write this blog out of admiration, good humor, and intrigue over the different ways my wife and I approach life.
Q & A
Name one thing that prepared you for marriage, and one thing that hindered you from being ready for marriage growing up.
The same thing did both: growing up between two sisters. I got an intimate look at the good, the bad and the ugly. I’ve been beaten up by a girl before (my older sister). I’m not sure if that’s humbling and helpful, or damaging. Maybe it’s both. I’ve been subject to unpredictable outbursts and a different way of thinking which has helped me prepare. At the same time, my sisters farted in front of me and we shared a bathroom. Their bathroom humor sometimes outdid mine! So, I grew to get used to girls as if they were dudes as well. That doesn’t go over with my wife that great…when I treat her like a dude.
What’s your favorite thing about your wife?
She’s fiercely loyal and always honest. I find it so endearing and inspiring. Because of this, she’s so trustworthy, and I’ve had trust issues in the past with other relationships.
How have your biggest challenges helped you in married life?
I’m left handed. I did poorly in school– sometimes showing up for tests without going to class once in college. It taught me to be comfortable with not being prepared, and the left handedness taught me to adjust and be flexible in a right handed world.
Best and Worst first date movie?
Again, mine is the same: 1974 Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I suggested and watched it with my wife on one of our first dates. It’s a great way to put her through the ringer. Everything in those first few months is a filter– see if each other continues to make it through. But, at the same time, what a risky movie to suggest!
You’ve written about dating and marriage. Do you consider yourself an expert?
I was always told: write what you know. But I can tell you that I’m probably the last person on earth who has any authoritative knowledge on either. So, it’s odd that I would gravitate to this subject. Perhaps it’s more of an examination, a journey into confusion. Maybe I know that I know nothing about dating and marriage, so I’m writing about not knowing about it?
Name some of your biggest writing influences.
David Sedaris – he’s a real master at his craft and gets his point across in a humble non-preachy way in space that could get preachy. Kafka. I read “The Metamorphosis” in summer reading one year because it was only 59 pages. it has one of the best opening lines of any book I’ve read: “As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into an enormous insect.” Ok. I’m listening. Edgar Allen Poe – beautiful language describing darkness. Jimmy Page – the Led Zeppelin guitarist wrote beautifully on guitar, my favorite instrument– loud, soft and everything in between.
