This year, my workplace offered a great perk: holiday gift wrapping. Being the terrible gift wrapper I am, I eagerly dropped off packages for the volunteers. There was not one male in the volunteer area. It confirmed my theory: males lack the wiring for gift wrapping.

The women I know look forward to wrapping gifts. They immerse themselves in it. I loathe the thought.

Typically, my wife wraps every gift other than what I got for her. Each year she gets closer and closer to wrapping those as well.

Here are the many issues I have with the gifts I wrap:

Too Much Paper & Asymmetry

This issue may be the seed of all wrapping issues. In the case below, you can see how thick those paper walls are. Professionally wrapped gifts fit the package like tailored suits. If my wrapping were a suit, it would be a 90’s puffy suit. And when there is too much paper, we run into the issue of asymmetry – odd angles and uneven flaps. A correctly wrapped gift should be balanced and peaceful.

Air Pockets

Using too much wrapping paper means the folds will be fat, and fastening the edges creates air pockets that are big enough to roost a small rodent.

Ran out of Paper

Wrapping paper roll ends without warning. They need to put some kind of note in there that says “you have about 100 square inches left”. Once I’ve come this far with one type of paper that runs out, the only solution is to cut a sliver of another roll of wrapping paper to cover up the remaining area.

Wrinkled Corners

Clumsy hands make for wrinkled gifts– especially on edges and corners.

Having watched pros like my mom, wife, and those gift wrapping volunteers, it’s clear that gift wrapping requires patience, planning, and care. These are three things I don’t apply to gift wrapping. I do have the capacity to use these three things for fun things like Xbox or driving a 4WD truck on a challenging path.