Because it’s tough to judge a sports draft right away, sports writers revisit the results a few years later to share their final report cards. This allows players to adjust to the pros and make their mark, accounting for the growth period to reach their potential.

Today is our four year anniversary, so I can accurately evaluate the use and sanity of selected items from our registry—those that caused a “discussion” on registry day:

King Sized Sheets

On Registry Day: It took us four years to get a king sized bed. That journey included getting new jobs in Baltimore, and then finding and settling on a house, and then buying  the new bed. Back on registry day, my wife explained “it’s for when we have a king sized bed”. I wonder if her math indicated that it would take us nearly half a decade to get there.

Present Day Grade: C+

Only because king sized sheets are expensive, and we were able to use them right away  when we got our new bed. However, the bed we got (I was told) didn’t match the sheets from our registry and we ended up buying a new set of king sized sheets that my wife keeps on the bed 100% of the time.

China

On Registry Day: My wife was nice enough to warn me that she indeed was going to put china on the registry. Most of our consultants– seasoned married couples who lived through the registry experience, told us not to put china on our registry.

Present Day Grade: C

While I’m not surprised we have yet to even use the china, it’s a puzzle that will never be complete. My wife requested 12 settings (I’m not even sure I have that many friends left). Of course, when you’re adding one saucer or plate at a time, it’s designed to take well into our retirement before those 12 settings are complete. But, my wife does light up when she’s around the china, which saves its grade a little.

My Garment Bag

On Registry Day: “When will I ever use that garment bag,” was my wife’s response to me putting one thing on the registry for myself– this question asked as she was adding 12 china saucers to our list.

Present Day Grade: B+

Because every time I pack it up for a trip, my wife asks (and at this point) assumes that she can throw a few things in it as well. I guess the question should have been when would she NOT use it?

The $350 Butter Dish

On Registry Day: Legend has it that my wife’s friend gushed to her: “My favorite item I own is my crystal butter dish. You should put it on your registry so I can buy it for you”. I thought the Bloomingdales $350 price tag was a joke until I hit it with the scanner gun. A butter dish made of crystal for $350? I never fathomed such a thing existed. What foods do we pair with butter (corn, muffins, biscuits) that call for the presence of $350 crystal on the table.

Present Day Grade:  F

We’ve used the $350 butter dish one time. And when I had to wash it afterward, I was doing so with the meticulous anxiety of an archeologist nudging dirt away from a rare fossil. I don’t want that kind of pressure again. The other >99% of the time that the butter dish is not being used, it sits in the china cabinet square in the middle directly under the light…I guess like a rare fossil in a museum.

“Every Day” Plates

On Registry Day: All I wanted was a new set of every day plates. To address this, my wife walked me to the Kate Spade section, then through several brands I had never even heard of. Her version of “every day plates” looked like they could be in Versailles. Every day plates have two key characteristics: dishwasher safe, and microwave safe.

“What the hell is an everyday plate then,” she asked after my fifth rejection.

“An everyday plate is a plate I can get home drunk at 3AM and reheat a cheese steak on in the microwave and then put in the dishwasher the next day”.

Present Day Grade: D+

After registry day, I ordered simple white plates with blue trim for myself. But it turns out that my wife’s ridiculous bamboo-themed plates are indeed dishwasher and microwave safe. She might have earned an A- for this surprise success, except the plates are so huge that they don’t fit in the dishwasher. My white and blue plates fit perfectly in the dishwasher.