The other day, my wife caught me following our cat Daphne around the house the other day gushing: “I must say, you’ve got the perfect physique. I mean, wow, what a feline specimen. Just perfect!”

“Why don’t you ever talk to me like that,” my wife asked.

A defenseless animal needs love, support, and encouragement—especially our two cats who were rescued from death row by a vigilant adoption agency. On the other hand, my wife is a tough cookie who kicks my butt on the regular.

Here are things I say regularly to the cats often that my wife wishes I’d say to her as often:

I Love You 

I say it when a cat enters the room and when that cat leaves the room. I probably say it once a week to my wife. My estimate for each cat is at least ten “I love yous” per day. 

Allow Me to Cuddle You

My wife is constantly climbing on me to cuddle. But the cats don’t always cuddle with me. I long for their attention. It’s a privilege when they decide to cuddle with me. I often contort my body into horrible positions when one or (even better) both cats are lounging on me. Once I have them cuddling, I can’t move. Stirring them up might make them leave me. If my wife cuddles me for thirty seconds, even in a comfortable position, I am stir crazy.

Lay Down. You’ve had such a long day! 

I want the cats to relax and decompress. They live a tough life of lounging, watching birds, and looking for bugs. I rarely encourage my wife to drop everything and sleep. 

I’ll Pay Anything for Your Comfort 

I crank the heat during winter because it’s so cute when they lounge on the radiator. But, because we have natural gas heat, it’s not uncommon to see a $450 heating bill. My wife then limits the dial to 65 degrees, essentially freezing everyone out– husband and cats!