My wife often rattles off rapid-fire questions, doubling me over in exhaustion.

Considering the data, I saw that many of these are repeat questions that I answer the same way every time.

In an effort to eliminate these questions from our conversations, I’m sharing the evergreen answers:

Question: “Oh, you’re wearing those shoes today?”

Forever answer: “If they are on my feet, then chances are I’m indeed wearing these shoes .”

Question (if potential rain or actual rain outside) “Aren’t you taking an umbrella?”

Forever Answer: “If I want an umbrella, I’ll bring one.”

And then, no matter how hard it’s raining, I refuse to take an umbrella after she asks.

Question: ‘What are you doing over there?” – usually asked from 5-10 feet away

Forever Answer: “Exactly what it looks like I’m doing: lying on the couch staring off into space or watching TV.”

Question: “What are you thinking about?”

This question is particularly invasive, like she’s drilling into my head to own/access all thoughts.

Forever answer assortment:

• Tailoring my schedule to watch a sporting event
• DVR logistics
• Music
• Old friends, family, memories
• Our cats
• (Most Common) Nothing

Question: “Who are you texting?”

Forever Answer Assortment:

• My sisters/mom/dad
• One of my bro-threads
• A co-worker

Question: “How was your day?”

Forever Answer, regardless of day quality:

(I won the lottery): “Good”

(A piano fell on my head): “Good”

Question: “Do you love me?”

Forever Answer: “I’m still here, aren’t I? Either I’m crazy, or I love you. Or (most likely) both.