If you’re nice enough to read about my adventures with my wife, Shana (Shay): I promise I’m not complaining — OK, I am complaining. This blog is an act of love, an homage to our differences, and my confused admiration of her actions. 

Today, I’m re-visiting my New Year’s pledge that, like most New Year’s pledges, I’ve failed to live up to:

I’m retiring from my wife’s social media.

She loves to document. You might argue that I’m also documenting in this blog. And that is true. But unlike my wife’s filtered, multi-take posts, I deal in reality.

Despite the typical social media narrative, no marriage is perfect. I enjoy writing about the imperfection.

I’m a Gen Xer, and she’s a Millennial, so we have different relationships with social media.

On my wife’s social media, I’m a B-list co-star filler for her stories. I play the doting, smiling, involved husband. I’ve never granted my permission for her to use my likeness.

Here are two social media moments posted by my wife that got her in trouble:

The Grease Live Moment

I took umbrage with Grease Live because it failed to do justice to my favorite scene, the hand jive scene. The principal didn’t do the “I’m now into this too” jig at the end of the dance.

“Show me this jig,” my wife requested.

I happened to be in my boxers, but I complied.

A few weeks later, one of Shay’s friends approached me at a wedding: “you’re a great dancer. We better see you on the dance floor.” She punctuated it with a smirk.

How did she know I was such a great dancer?

My wife had posted my hand jive demo! I spent the rest of the evening wondering who else saw that video.

Our Honeymoon in Greece

After my honeymoon, one of my buddies polluted our bro text thread with the image below, taken from my wife’s Instagram. It’s so invasive. As I reflect, she is stalking me from the bushes taking spy-style pictures.

My wife gave my moment to everyone else. And of course, she never asked my permission or mentioned that she might post this picture.

Remember when people dreaded having to view other people’s vacation pictures? My wife grew up with boom mics and tailored experiences in everyone’s faces. It’s all about FOMO: “look at my amazing experience.”

But let’s be honest. Most of what my wife and I do is:

• Dealing with the cats (OK, maybe that is Instagram-worthy) 
• Taking long walks 
• Mundane team tasks like re-organizing cabinets 
• Coaching on how to speak to each other 

She only posts the top 1%.

Nevertheless, I can’t change my wife. If she doesn’t stop posting my likeness, I’ll try a new strategy: look miserable in every picture.